Dinna Paaaaartay

I'm late. I know. I did a bad, bad thing. In my defense, my computer won't pick up the rogue wireless signal in our apartment. Come June 16th, I will be blogging all over the place, I promise.

My dinner party! I have been thinking about this for a long time, but this partnering thing is throwing me for a loop. I could only think of two people I reallllllllly wanted, but they are HARDLY going play nice with the group. But whatever, I will just be happy if my (hypothetical) house is still standing at the end of the evening.

Dinner Guest Number One: Henry VIII.

I know. I KNOW! Hal was not exactly a peacemaker. He probably, in real life, is a big fat meanie. But I love him. I have such a crush on him (not when he was obese and had gout). What a pimp! I would like to have a younger version of Henry, maybe pre-Anne Boleyn (even though I am totally inviting her too). I don't want him all drunk with power. Drunk with wine is okay though. I just don't want him beheading the other guests.

Henry's pair would be...Mary Kingsley. Weird pairing, I know. She definitely wouldn't put up with any of his bullshit. But as everyone from last year's 521 knows, I am totally obsessed with her! She is funny as hell. Someone who can make deepest darkest Africa amusing, I think, might convince Henry to lighten up. Or she could break the tension if Henry got out of control and ordered someone's head off.

Dinner Guest Number Three: Anne Boleyn. I know this is probably a risk. Anne Boleyn was probably a class-A beeyotch. But there's a chance she's not! Ok, a very small chance. But I feel like she essentially invented feminine wiles. I would love to see her interact with the other guests. She'd probably manipulate everyone out of their dessert. And it'd be worth it, just to watch her work.

I was really torn about A.B.'s dinner partner. Part of me just wanted to invite someone like, I dunno, Paris Hilton, or Jessica Simpson - someone who'd be totally outclassed. But I don't want them at my dinner party, and I feel Anne would want a challenge. I want someone with unbendable will. Someone with a quiet resolve, capable of containing such a forceful woman. He TOTALLY doesn't match, but I think I'll pick Nelson Mandela. I think he's capable of doing just about anything. Both Nelson and Anne have conviction of steel, but met their obstacles in entirely different ways. I wonder who would come up trumps in that pairing. At any rate, maybe Nelson could bring some class and dignity to the joint.

Dinner Guest Number 5: Audrey Niffenegger.
I don't know anything about this woman, personally. I know some of her art is pretty wacky, and I know the plot for her next book is totally weird. But she wrote The Time Traveler's Wife, which in my opinion is the most perfect novel I've ever read. It has the most remarkable effect on me. Every time I go into a bookstore, I want to buy it. I have at least four copies. I know I have at least four copies, but I always want to buy another one, just to have it in my hands RIGHT THAT SECOND. I've never been that way about anything else. She writes about love in a way that breaks my heart and then puts it back together again. So even if she's totally weird, I just want to be around her. I want to bask in the warm embrace of her talent.

Audrey's partner: Charles Barry. Does anybody know who this guy is? Because I didn't, until I googled him. So obviously, this is another person I don't know anything about, personally. But he also created something I love: the Houses of Parliament in London. The HoP is, without question, one of my favorite things in the world to see. I smile like a big idiot anytime I see it. I never get tired of looking. When I was living in France, I'd come home to my grandmother's house often. To get there I had to get to the train station, go to the Austerlitz station in Paris, get on the metro, go to the Gare du Nord, get to the Eurostar, go to Waterloo station in London, take a taxi to the bus depot, go to Oxford, then take another bus to Carterton, where Jo would pick me up and take me home to Bampton. It was a long day. It involved a lot of lugging of cases (always unreasonably heavy). But there was always one perfect moment in that whole process: when the taxi pulled out of Waterloo station and the HoP clicked into view. I dare you to be unhappy when you're near the Houses of Parliament. I seriously don't think it's possible. At least not for me. It's perfect in the rain. It's perfect in the fog. It's perfect in the sunshine. So thank you, Mr.Barry.

Dinner would be provided by Fleuron from La Mangeoire, because his rumsteak is probably the thing I miss most from Orleans. You know, other than people. With the cubed potatoes and the peppercorn sauce! Amazing. Food like that could keep the peace, even with all my bitchy guests. Sartre would serve as sous-chef, not because I think he'd be any good at it, but because I am kind of obsessed with him and I want him to come, even if I have to cheat a little bit.